I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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