my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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