It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
