a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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