I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
