so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
