Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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