btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
