I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
