Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
