I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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