her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
