We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
