I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we're so committed to being not committed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
