Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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