On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
