I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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