i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come on in and take your pants off
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