No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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