she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
