I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
