What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
