Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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