Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
