So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
