my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
