i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
