i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't deserve a penis
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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