Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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