So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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