You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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