imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
