yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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