how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He better not be in your backpack
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
