I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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