i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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