He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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