Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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