i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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