So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
