You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
