i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
