I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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