my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
