I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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