I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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