Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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