i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
