So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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