I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
