i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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