My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
