i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
