my mouth tastes like poor choices
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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