I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
