i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
