Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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