FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
