everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
