my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize