The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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