I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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