My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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